Bev's Ramblings

Lexi's having back problems

2008-06-02T18:36:00.001-04:00

I went to wal-mart and bought a pack and play so I can keep her pretty
immobile.

Sister surprise

2008-05-29T14:19:00.000-04:00

We are surprising my sister by cowing her yard for her 40th.

I am not pregnant.

2008-05-23T16:13:00.001-04:00

I will not be trying again until after my July 14th cruise.

Please act as if nothing has happened. Absolutely no "Awwwwww's" (upon risk of a good neck snapping).

Still no news.

2008-05-23T14:44:00.000-04:00

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No news yet.

2008-05-23T09:04:00.001-04:00

I will update you all ASAP. :)

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Blobs in Eutero

2008-05-13T12:15:00.000-04:00

My Blobs!

2008-05-13T12:14:00.000-04:00

And waiting...

2008-05-13T11:09:00.000-04:00

Waiting...

2008-05-13T11:06:00.000-04:00

Waiting for the transfer.

2008-05-13T11:00:00.000-04:00

More Pie!

2008-05-09T12:01:00.001-04:00

Strawberry pie!

2008-05-09T11:57:00.000-04:00

Lexi's Bladder Stone, removed 4-29

2008-05-09T11:56:00.001-04:00

2008-05-09T10:21:00.001-04:00

Lucky Number 13 and Other Incredible Occurrences

2008-05-09T10:04:00.004-04:00

OK- I know I have been absent for a really long time. The truth is, sometimes life keeps me so busy that I just don't have time to write about it.

Here is what I want to talk about:

Babies
Patience and Necklaces
The flower bed
Life

Lets start with Babies. I went in on Thursday (yesterday) for my retrieval. The IV turned out to be worse than the procedure (Thank you Dr. Wonder Drugs). So, I wake up and they say, "17." And my first response is, "Yay for PCOS!" And they laugh. And then I start to think I heard them wrong because that is huge. And I keep asking until I can get ahold of Mark. It was pretty weird and cool all at the same time.

So, I get the call this morning and it turns out it is lucky number 13. That's right, 13. Thirteen. I am so lucky and blessed I can't even tell you. I see women online who are ecstatic over 4 or even 1 and I am blessed with 13. Holy cow! The way that this works is that we might lose a few more along the way (duds) but this is an incredibly good starting point.

Sorry I don't have more details, but I am just too scrambled to communicate very well.

Now on to patience and necklaces. I used to need to learn patience. I used to work on it a little every day. That was until about a month and a half ago. Between doctor's appointments and shots and stuff, I think I am basically done. Dali Lama I am not, but I think I can officially cross that off my personal to-do list. Zen is in. On a similar note, I bought a new necklace which negates the need for me to fix Sarah's necklace. Thank god for eBay.

I had the flower bed by the front door redone. I will add pictures later. I think it was good it had to be done when it did because it distracted me a little.

Anyway, I might post more later. Maybe...

I love irony!

2008-04-28T13:18:00.000-04:00

I love it when the largest casket company in America tells me to drive
safely.

Getting ready to start stims

2008-04-26T16:21:00.001-04:00

I will be starting follistim and menopur tonight (in addition to a
reduced dose of lupron).

Strawberry Fields Forever!

2008-04-26T09:06:00.000-04:00

Strawberries!

2008-04-26T08:45:00.000-04:00

I am picking with the girls right now. And I saw the flower
strawberry. :)

Dirt/rock/moss Combo

2008-04-25T09:22:00.001-04:00

This is what is underneath the pallets.

Plants!

2008-04-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

I got me some plants! I am having by usual dirt/rock/moss combo
replaced on Monday with... Plants! I an so excited! Even with the
pallets of plants just sitting there it already looks better.

2008-04-25T09:18:00.001-04:00

Stuff

2008-04-21T14:43:00.001-04:00

I start taking stims on the 26th. I have appointments on the first
and third.

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Hello D**** my old friend...

2008-04-21T08:39:00.001-04:00

OK, you know you're jaded when the machine, below, doesn't scare you
anymore. Lynn the receptionist now knows me by name.

Poodle Paws!

2008-04-16T17:42:00.001-04:00

We just got our hair cut. Please note the "poodle paws".

Parking dammit!

2008-04-16T14:12:00.001-04:00

OK, so I was looking for a place to park at the grocery store and
stumbled across this parking space (I am the silver car). And,
considering I am expecting to be retrieved and implanted within the
month, I figured this aplied to me... if only figuratively. And what's
the deal with the headless stork? Talk about upsetting the pregos.

Cuteness!

2008-04-15T14:41:00.000-04:00

I love linen!

2008-04-15T14:40:00.000-04:00

I love packages!

2008-04-15T14:31:00.000-04:00

There's a storm a'comin!

2008-04-14T17:45:00.000-04:00

2008-04-14T16:19:00.000-04:00

The color is much better in person.

2008-04-14T15:56:00.000-04:00

I used Bernat felting wool (early spring). I noticed just now that
one cuff is one row longer than the other. Oops! Anyway, aside from
that, they are a terrific first project if I do say so. :)

Boring!!!!

2008-04-14T15:11:00.002-04:00

Sorry I have been a little absentee lately. I have been continuing with the headless chicken routine. Last week was taken up almost entirely by taking care of my MIL. She looks pretty good, all things considering. Last night I took my 11th shot. It is pretty old hat. No craziness, that I have noticed. I am waiting for a bunch of things I ordered to come in the mail. I finished my nalbinding sampler sock and have moved on to making a full-sized pair. They look good and fit my feet perfectly, which therefore means they are too small. I shall be gifting them to a small-footed friend once finished and documented. That reminds me, I am having "issues" transferring images from my camera, so it might be a little while before you see any project update pictures. :(

I almost forgot!

2008-04-07T18:04:00.002-04:00

I took my mother-in-law to get a Lifestyle Lift today. She is currently heavily sedated in my guest room. She is a real trooper.

Me, the Crafty Bee

2008-04-07T17:13:00.009-04:00

OK, this is the post for all things SCA. In case you don't know, go here. I have decided to go with a Viking persona because it is both cheap and comfy. No corsets, no silk, you see where I am going with this. Also, I have always thought the Vikings rocked. I mean, don't get me wrong, they weren't exactly enlightened feminists, but they were pretty cool consider how little water and how much booze they drank. Also, any culture that makes booze out of honey is pretty damned nifty in my opinion. Not that I drink, because I don't. But bee spit is tasty. So, what fun stuff have I been working on?

This:

Researching Viking colors.
Fabric selection and purchasing, because God knows the linen I have right now just won't do.
Buying Turtle Brooches.
Finding appropriate beads for my necklace thingy.
Learning nalbinding and buying supplies.
Making nalbound mittens.
Buying wool felt and linen embroidery thread to make medallions.
Buying three cheap penannular broaches.

Now, please bear in mind that all of this gruelling shopping took place during some really busy weeks. I am starting to tutor my nephew(s) and life in general has conspired to keep me running around like a decapitated chicken.

So, now for pictures!!!!!!
This is the basic look:
These are the basic Dark Age colors:

Fabric I researched and bought:
Underdress:
This is the natural color of linen.

Apron Dress:
This color is much prettier in person.

My Turtle Brooches:
Please note the begging Lexi. She knows pretty when she sees it.

Finding appropriate beads for my necklace thingy.
Pictures to be added later.
Learning nalbinding and buying supplies.
Pictures to be added later.
Making nalbound mittens.
Pictures to be added later.
Buying wool felt and linen embroidery thread to make medallions.
Pictures to be added later.
Buying three cheap penannular broaches.
Pictures to be added later.

Anyway, the iPhone is acting up, so no pics for now. Will write more soon.

Me, the Busy Bee

2008-04-07T17:01:00.002-04:00

OMG have I been busy. OK- sorry I am a little behind. For the sake of simplicity (not the pattern company btw), I will be making two posts. This one will be all things fertility. The next one will be all things SCA.

OK- So I have started taking my Lupron shots. I have had super-minimal insanity reaction. As for giving the shots, its a piece of cake. The needle is super small. I see why people have panic attacks about it, but when I started to freak, I just said to myself, "This is no big deal" and I was fine. That and Mark did a funny dance to distract me. Have you ever tried to stab yourself while laughing your ass off? I have.

I even took my shots on the road. Sarah and I went to see the YarnHarlot speak on Sunday and I packed my "needs to stay below 70 degrees" medicine in a freezy bag with some freezy blocks. And I even ended up stabbing myself in front of Sarah. It was time and her kitchen was convenient. Although, she was momentarily offended/defensive when I poured the alcohol on the counter top and started swabbing a huge area. "Are you trying to say I'm dirty?" No sweetheart, this is standard operating procedure. :)

I know this isn't fertility related, but the YarnHarlot is pretty damned funny. And smart. I really enjoyed myself. But I think I really confused the knitters when they spotted my nalbinding supplies.

My medicine arrived today...

2008-03-28T10:02:00.013-04:00

And I was a little surprised to find such a small box. This box is a 1 foot cube. I was expecting so much more. And I think I am glad it was the size that it actually was.

So, I unloaded my supplies, and because I know how I am when it comes to the whole morbid curiosity thing, I decided to document as much as possible.
A whole lot of the box was taken up by this refrigeration pack. The Follistim has to stay refrigerated. And, yes, I did keep the frozen blocks and cool bubble bag.
Below you will see my teeny tiny sharps container and my huge bag of needles. If you look really hard, you can see my daily mountain of pills. The little bowl is holding today's medicine. Not included in the bowl is the (ironic) birth control pill. I take those at night.
Please note the Menopur below. It comes with Q-caps. Thank god! I actually said that out loud when I opened the box. In case you ovulate on your own and don't know, this is a little doodlie which helps you mix the powder with the liquid and helps you make sure you get all the medicine out of the bottle. Too cool!
This is my Follistim Pen. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My Pen is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
OK- I just couldn't resist going Full Metal Jacket on you guys. lol
And here is my Follistim medicine, safely tucked in the cheese drawer of my refrigerator.
And here is the medicine, in total. In the background, you can see the bubble pouch.
And here I am starting to organize all the needles.
And here I have been mostly organized. All of the needles are sorted into bags and they are put inside the huge bag with most of the syringes. If you look closely, you will see the Magic Ginzu knife from the set my mother gave me. Those things are awesome.

IVF

2008-03-26T12:44:00.002-04:00

I start my injections on April 3.

My new deer antler nalbinding needle just came in!

2008-03-21T18:14:00.003-04:00

Thank you Shrewwood!

New BeddyBye!

2008-03-19T15:36:00.006-04:00

I am so excited. The delivery people finally showed up with my new king bed (we used to have a queen). And so, you have pics.
:) Not nearly as cool as Gulf Wars, but hey...

And in this photo you can see the bedfan we installed. Mark is obsessed with that damned thing.

I would just like to say I am too damned cool for school.

2008-03-14T22:24:00.005-04:00

So, another yarn project fell into my lap. I have been in a crafty mood and I have decided to run with it. Anyway, I found this article on whipcording. And, won't you know it, this craft entails super cool-looking doodlies. And you know what a sucker I am for doodlies.

And so, I found this PDF on how to make the bobbins. Because Mark is off with the boys tonight and all my friends are busy, I decided to indulge in this small piece of insanity to occupy my night. However, my local Joann's and Michael's both lacked the absolutely vital 3" candlesticks.
And so... I compromised. I found something cool at my second Michael's location and ran with it. Below is my super cool (and slightly more expensive than I had anticipated) ingenious solution.
The holes in the doll head and curtain finial were both big enough that I used two slightly-cut-off toothpicks in each bobbin to add some extra oomph to the wood glue. The PDF said you could use white glue, but why risk it?

And so, gentle reader, I anticipate at some point in the future taking these babies for a test ride. I have a bit of extra felting wool, so I am thinking of doing the whipcord and then felting a sample to see what it turns out like.

And if I like this new and exciting craft... I am thinking of darkly varnishing these bobbins. And if I don't? I plan on selling them as is. Teehee.

By the way, the cups you see here weren't specially purchased for this little experiment. I have a ton of those because I use them for my pregnancy tests. lol

Nalbinding (aka Naalbinding)

2008-03-13T19:10:00.017-04:00

So, I have been spending a lot of time (figuratively) on hold or (literally) lounging in waiting rooms lately. So, I decided to do some web ogling. I was thinking of going to SCA with my good friends Jennefer and Meg and was thinking of doing the Viking thing, so I went and looked it up. And I stumbled upon nalbinding aka the way Bev can create socks and hats without knitting and much thinner than if she used crochet.

And here begins the informations...

I started off primarily by joining this yahoo group. And they pointed me to a couple of cool videos. Mostly, this is pretty easy and is primarily about practicing and using the thickest yarn you have. The examples I worked below are worked with worsted weight wool felt-able yarn and I just have to say I am insane. The bulkier size of the yarn helps you when you are learning. The one warning: write off any yarn you learn with. Nalbinding is not like crochet or knitting where you can easily frog. Frogging in nalbinding involves scissors or un-nalbinding.
There are a couple of different kinds of stitches, but the ones I have been working on are the York stitch and the Oslo stitch. I will learn the Korgen stitch and Asle stitch when I get a chance.

Below are the needles I now have.

I might be sending the wood one back because I was expecting it to look like this:

And I wanted a flat needle for the specific purpose of starting the top of a hat or the end of the sock (the second video below explains this).

I also bought the following book:
I bought the blue needles at JoAnns and the book and wooden needle at Mielke's Fiber Arts.

So, below are some videos on the York stitch. This lady is super nice and I love her accent!

Next is the Oslo stitch. I like this stitch less because it takes more time but more because I like the look of the cloth. Anyway, the only good video I could find was in German, but it is still understandable.

nadelbindu
du/ na nalbinding : oslo stich - teil 1 - MyVideo

nadelbindung / nalbinding : oslo stich - teil 2 - MyVideo

nadelbindung / nalbinding : oslo stich - teil 3 - MyVideo

Last, and certainly least are my first tries at the following stitches. Please be aware that the bottom half of each sample is an F1 stitch and the top area of each is an F2 stitch.

York Stitch (first attempt ever):

Oslo Stitch: which started off really loose and became super tight.
Another reason I really like this is that you make super warm items. You use feltable wool and partly felt it as part of the final fitting process.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Auf wiedersehen!

My Hysteroscopy

2008-03-13T19:04:00.002-04:00

I had my hysteroscopy (HSC) done today. It all went well, until it didn't go so well. And then is was not so nice. I will spare you all the gory details. Suffice it to say I had to do some breathing exercises.

Yurts!

2008-03-05T20:01:00.001-05:00

I just found the coolest website ever. All I can say is...

I want one!!!

Prepare for the End of Days

2008-03-05T19:47:00.003-05:00

Brace yourselves...

I got my period. Holy cow! I know that I can't necessarily back this up scientifically, but I have a firm belief that my acupuncturist had an indeterminately-sized hand in this happening.
I have been struggling for even the most basic of my body's functions to take place and, kerpow, I get my period after getting punctured once and taking 4 doses of pills. Things are looking up in Bev-land.

I am waiting, and waiting, and waiting....

2008-03-04T22:19:00.003-05:00

And so I wait. I wait for the period that will probably never come. I am calling MaryAnn on Friday and possibly Saturday or Monday to let her know that I have not, in fact, bled.

The acupuncture went well on Monday. WAY less painful than I feared (which wasn't that fearful to begin with). Chris pointed out that men are wusses and women are tough as nails. I have actually been sleeping pretty well since. Who knew...

The whole thing was pretty relaxing actually. Although I did take time away from relaxing to look at the needles sticking in my flesh. I had to look really hard because the room was super dark, in a good way.

And now I am on Chinese Herbal medicines to make my body behave. So far, I feel no different, but that is OK.

Polls

2008-03-04T21:57:00.002-05:00

Tapioca for the win!

Also, my dogs (and mal) and pudding are tied for first.

The Javier Situation

2008-03-04T21:35:00.002-05:00

I have been really busy over the last two days trying to get Javier's death certificate. I didn't know, but Paula has been waiting for someone else to get it for her. Anyway...

I finally got it today. I then headed off to deliver it to Paula (she said it could wait, but I wanted it done). I visit Paula at her afternoon job. When she finds out that we finally have the death certificate, her employer tells Paula to head straight to the bank to get this resolved.

The hold was, luckily, still on the account. We get to the bank and the lady notes who to call. She calls the nice lady in Minneapolis, or some place, and explains the situation. At one point, the lady on our end answers a question with the date that Javier died. At this point, she says, "Ahhhhh....." I.E. The lady in another state explained the "thing"that Martha tried to do. I say "thing" because I don't like to use the word "Fraud." So, about this "thing"... The hold will be removed tomorrow. For all intents and purposes, Paula's money is now in a completely separate account and entirely safe.

The only bad part: Javier, in order to keep the peace with his family as well as secure the money for Paula, lied to his family. When asked about the money, he told his bitch of a daughter (His exact words, "Don't trust those bitches.") that the money was going to the grandkids. Apparently this was to prevent her from heading right off to the bank with the power of attorney and changing the beneficiary. Is this bad? Legally- no; they can in no way come after Paula. Socially- yes; his family, once they find out, will be resentful and cruel toward Paula. All I can say is this, if you take care of my ailing parent, you can have whatever the hell they see fit to give you.

I'm not pregnant.

2008-03-01T14:45:00.001-05:00

My fortune from PF Changs

2008-03-01T12:52:00.000-05:00

On the back of my fortune...

2008-03-01T12:50:00.001-05:00

How apropos...

The doctors office

2008-03-01T08:29:00.001-05:00

I am at my specialists office. It is 8:30 AM. There are 13 people
seated and 9 people standing. And one child. Holy cow.

Realizations

2008-02-28T16:13:00.009-05:00

OK, here's a few things I have figured out. No mocking, please.

As far as husbands go, I hit the jackpot.
I love my friends.
The dog training anxiety was directly linked to my fertility anxiety.
I probably need to go back on my medicine.

I talked to my therapist today. It was our last session. I will miss her terribly. I told her about my horrible week. During the course of our conversation, I spoke to her about the dog training and how I want to be a good "dog mommy." Basically, I want to be a good mom, or even just be a mom at all. And the whole dog thing giving me panic attacks was this whole overwhelming throwback to my fertility crap. It's hard to explain, but, basically, I'm not nuts. It's all linked. And now that I know that, things will be better.

Before I left, my therapist said the nicest thing. She said that our time together always zooms past. That really made me feel good. I know that when I have a conversation with a person and the time flies, it means that it was pleasant or interesting or fun.

Now for the drugs. Yes, in case any of you didn't know, I do occasionally take anti-anxiety drugs. Why? Because my life sometimes gets to a point where I am spending more time wrangling my anxiety than I spend living my life.

Why do I not let most people know this?

A lot of people think that if you need medicine to help regulate your mood, you might go off on a bender and kill people one day. Or, at the very least, you are weak and unreliable. And/or crazy.
My dad doesn't understand the need for therapy or mood medicine. See point # 1. And a little part of me wants to buy into it, too, because of him.
Part of me feels like a huge failure in that I need to rely on the medicine. Part of that part of me is the anxiety itself. I try and try to do without and sometimes I can. And sometimes I can't.
It is really super hard to explain to someone who has never had anxiety exactly how debilitating and powerful it can be. My sister just thinks I am a drama queen. Why? She doesn't know shit about anxiety.

Why am I leaning toward going back on the medicine?

I am spending more time on "treading water" in my life than I am spending on doing the dishes or the laundry or even doing things I like.
Reading books is no longer helping relieve stress and anxiety. Now, when I read books, it is like pausing the TiVo. When I put the book down, I am right back where I left off. There is no relief.
The stress that I am under is not, for the foreseeable future, going to go away or get better. And I am at the point where I think I need a break.

Why am I not leaning toward going back on the medicine?

Even though my specialist and the therapist in her office say the drugs are OK for me to be on if I am pregnant, part of me worries.
My ObGyn doesn't like the drugs. But, I think things are more difficult from the last time I talked to her.
I have a pregnancy test on Saturday to see if I am pregnant. If I am , I want to give it a sec to see if the anxiety gets better.
I am starting acupuncture on Monday. He likes to work on things without drugs. However, this may not be an option for me. I am not looking forward to talking to him about it if I decide to start the drugs.

So, that's the Bev Roundup. Sorry if I was a little manic there in my second-to-last post. The funny thing about hormones and anxiety is that it's kindof like weather in Scotland. If you don't like it, stick around for a while.

Doing better

2008-02-28T12:16:00.000-05:00

I am doing better now. I will write more soon. Retail Therapy is my
friend.

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Incredibly Bad Week

2008-02-26T11:47:00.005-05:00

This is the kind of week where I'm not sure if I should write it all here so you can see how crazy I am or if I should start a secret blog and not tell a single soul about it.

Let me sum up. I have had a super challenging week. Sometimes I overcame those challenges, and sometimes they ground me into the dirt.

The dog training is going piss poorly. Mark says its not that bad, but, then again, he never watches me practice and he doesn't know shit about where we are supposed to be. And he isn't the one catching attitude from the dog trainer.

The thing I finally realized today is that, with the dog training going so poorly, I feel like I have a giant red LOSER balloon floating over my head. I mean, it's ONE MORE THING that I can't do right. Let me count the ways:

I am a shitty housewife, as Greg loves to point out when he comes to visit.
I can't ovulate to save my life.
I am exceptionally crazy, even without fertility hormones.
And, the pièce de résistance , I can't outsmart two dogs enough to train them how to lay down.

I am so fucking TIRED of being at the end of my rope. I am in what is basically a lull, and I still can't get my shit together.

And today, Mark told me that I need to go back on my happy drugs because I am such a fucking wreck.

New opinion poll

2008-02-21T10:43:00.001-05:00

I have created a new opinion poll. I also wanted to mention that on the "things I like" poll, feel free to give more than one answer.

Bev's Disclaimer-O- Rama

2008-02-20T15:01:00.006-05:00

OK. So things have been moving forward with my fertility stuff. So, I went in on Saturday and got my hCG shot. We'll know on March 1st if I am pregnant. I am pretty ambivalent about all this. There is no need in getting overly excited or anxious. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.

Anyway, today I went in and had my nurse meeting and me and Mark had our Psych eval. Both are standard operating procedure for IVF. Even if I do get pregnant, they wanted to keep these appointments just in case.

So, on to the disclaimer portion of this blog. I am not a medical professional in any capacity. I am simply a woman under treatment by a specialist for her own special brand of fertility drama.

So, one of the things that has always fascinated me (like a train wreck) is the sheer volume of stuffs you get when you do IVF. I cannot resist the photos that people put on their blogs which contain all of the myriad supplies that you get. So, in the interest of my own sick obsession, I have decided to share the list of stuffs that I will be getting on April 1st, depending. Again, not a medical professional. Again, every woman is different and therefore every woman's treatment is different. This only goes for me.

So...... here we go:

I have taken the liberty of subdividing them into categories:

Injections: only the PIO is intramuscular, the rest will be subQ

2 week supply of Lupron
1 vial of hCG
10 vials Menopur
Follistim pen and medication
2 bottles of Progesterone in Oil (PiO in infertile-speak)

Oral Medication:

3 doxycycline tabs
5 Medrol tabs
1 Xanax (yay!!!)
30 Estrace tabs
ironic birth control pills
100 prenatal vitamins which will probably give me terrible acid reflux.
another refill of my Glucophage

Stuffs:

42 21 gauge 1.5" 3cc syringe and needle
22 22 gauge 1.5" needles
22 30 gauge 0.5" needles
10 1/2 cc insulin syringes (for Lupron)
Sharps package (includes sharps disposal unit, alcohol wipes, gauze, disposal instructions)

Boy, am I weird. Anyway, if it comes to it and I have to have this prescription filled, I will be taking photos to share. It'll be Show and Tell Too Much.

Finished Shrink Bankie

2008-02-17T17:51:00.001-05:00

My hCG injection site reaction.

2008-02-17T11:32:00.001-05:00

This is normal. Please ignore the bingo wings.

Mexican dinner theater

2008-02-16T20:02:00.000-05:00

Unique, Part II

2008-02-16T10:05:00.005-05:00

So, I am indeed unique. I am pretty sure I am the first woman in the history of womankind to ovulate after being given Prometrium.

So, I got the call yesterday and was told to come in this morning at 9 AM to get a hCG shot. They gave me a subcutaneous Novarel shot. Yay shot! So, in about 40-45 hours I will ovulate. I am shaking my head as I write this. I just can't wrap my mind around how freaking weird my body is.

Anyway, there are some pics of the shot stuff. The nurse was really nice and humored me when I asked for pics. Please note, she has really nice nails.

I am so Unique!

2008-02-15T10:18:00.002-05:00

I have decided to stop calling myself a freak. I am now calling myself unique.
So, here's the 411. I didn't get my period after taking pills to make it so. You say, "No! Its not possible! Shocking!" I say yes. Its true.
So, I go in to see my nurse today. She was nice today and even joked about being a hardass. I really like her. So, we draw blood to try to figure out if I am "baseline" or not. And then I wait and crochet on the blanket. And then I go into the sonogram room. And my actual doc walks in. It was so refreshing. Anyway, she takes one looks and says, "I think you're ovulating." I react with undestandable shock. She smiles and says we will see once the blood tests come back. OK, so I take a while pharmacy full of things that are supposed to make me ovulate, with miniscule results. And I take something to make me get my period and I might be ovulating.

I am so Freaking Unique!

Personally, I think it is a normal cyst. I'm definitely not getting my hopes up.

This is my Shrink's Baby Blanket

2008-02-15T10:09:00.001-05:00

I am mostly done. I would be doing more work on it right now if I
hadn't left the extra yarn at home. Lesson learned.

Wildlife/Animal Removal Squirrels, rats/mice, raccoons, opossum, etc

2008-02-13T11:56:00.001-05:00

So, this is the guy who is dealing with my f-ing squirrels.

atlanta.craigslist.org/hss/523833233.HTML

Funny Picture

2008-02-10T15:10:00.001-05:00

I just found a really funny picture and wanted to share it.

I hate Bitches

2008-02-10T14:45:00.000-05:00

Please let me start by saying that I believe I am suffering from a bad case of PMS.

So, Mark tells me this morning that Javier's daughters are f-ing with my mother in law. Needless to say, I want to kill people.

First off, they opened her mail. Not as in, "Oops, I opened this by accident." As in, they opened only her bank statements. Can you say Felony, boys and girls?

And then, apparently they learned that Javier was leaving some money to Mark's mom. They met her in a coffee shop to talk about finalizing some things. They mentioned that Javier was supposed to be leaving some money to the grandchildren, and since there was no more money, they though that the money for Paula was meant for the kids. So, being the kind (too kind if you ask me) person that she is, she agreed to give them half. Please bear in mind that this isn't a ton of money. And Paula dedicated herself to taking care of Javier in his illness when his family really let him down. This money is going toward her down payment on a condo. And this is how they repay her?

I am so mad I could just explode.

And do you want to know the second abuse/felony committed? Martha, the evil daughter in question, went to the bank the following day and took the money out of the account. Javier's name was on it with Paula as the beneficiary. I am pretty sure she showed the bank the power of attorney, acted like her dad was still alive, and just took it. These people make me sick.

I have to say, if it were me, I would press charges against the lot of them.

Bitches!

Sarah's crazy cat bag

2008-02-09T16:59:00.000-05:00

Fertility Videos

2008-02-08T12:41:00.000-05:00

So, I am thinking of borrowing my mom's video camera and making videos for this blog. I won't be posting it on YouTube or anything. And all fat and faces will be edited out. And it probably won't have my voice, considering I am a little self-conscious about it on recorded media. I don't know. I'm thinking about it.

Lucy, Daughter of the Laundry

2008-02-08T12:27:00.000-05:00

OK- so I really love the show Lucy, Daughter of the Devil. In the above episode, the devil and DJ Jesus (pronounced hey-zeus) get in a small tiff about the definition of a "smoosh", the act of combining two words. At one point, the two words are hill and mountain. The devil says the appropriate smoosh is Mill, while the DJ thinks the better choice is Himalountain. Did I mention that Lucy is the DJ's girlfriend? It just kills me. Anyway...

The point is, I am now engulfed in a Mountain of Laundry. Also known as a Himalaundry.

Groceries!

2008-02-07T13:18:00.000-05:00

Fertility videos on YouTube

2008-02-07T13:07:00.001-05:00

I think I have been watching too many. I am now able to critique
people's skill eg "Stop pinching" and "hey, did you sterilize those
vial tops"?

Holy Cow

2008-02-07T11:05:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't talked about my therapist for a while. She is awesome. We talked about a lot yesterday. My head is all up in my fertility woes for a good bit of each week. And sometimes family woes. So we talked about all that.

We also talked about the fact that she got a new job at a hospital and will be closing her practice.

Holy cow.

She said that if she had known about the new job, she wouldn't have started with me. But I am glad she did. I think she is worried that I will be bitter. But this new job will be better for her and the baby. And I honestly think the time we had together was good and constructive. I know I wouldn't have been able to wait and maybe I wouldn't have liked my # 2 choice so I am happy with the time we had and the last few sessions we will have.

:)

I always feel good once I am done in there. Like I know my purpose and things are looking up. It makes me happy. And I am grateful to Sarah for finally getting through my skull about talking to someone.

Also

2008-02-06T10:08:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot to inform all you readers out there about a few new details on my stuffs.

I have to have my hysteroscopy after I start my pills. One quick things about that link, the picture they use is about 200 years old, so please be aware that I will not be violently violated as in said diagram.
Also, I will have to have a trial transfer, which is basically a dry run on the implantation process.

Also, when we go in for egg retrieval, the sedation they use will put me under "conscious sedation." I really hope they have nitrous. I really love nitrous. Not that I would do it at home. Basically, I don't like to kill my brain but nitrous certainly makes dental procedures pleasant.

Drugs!

2008-02-06T09:43:00.000-05:00

OK, so MaryAnn called and the two drugs we are going to be using, aside from the ironic birth control pills, are Follistim and Menopur. Menopur has a mixture of LH and FSH while the Follistim is pure FSH. Please bear in mind that I'm not a doctor. And also, you are not supposed to compare your IVF protocol with anyone else's because every woman is different. God, don't I know that.

So what does this all mean?

OK, think back to WrestleMania III. Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant are in a match for the heavyweight belt. Yes, I was a huge wrestling fan when I was little. What's not to love about Andre, Brother? Anyway, in this case, Andre represents my damned ovaries and Hulk Hogan represents the above drugs. These drugs will attempt to body slam my seemingly 520 pound ovaries into finally ovulating on command. And hopefully, like in WrestleMania III, Hulk Hogan (the drugs) will succeed in said bodyslam and retain the heavyweight belt (sorry but I have no analogy for this one).

Yes, by God, I did just use a wrestling analogy for my IVF. I am such a freak sometimes. So, wish me luck.

Today's Stuff

2008-02-06T09:35:00.001-05:00

OK. So, I have a few things in the works today.

The dog trainer called and offered to let me reschedule today's lesson because of the weather. I jumped at it. It will give me another week to impress them. Besides, the girls really hate getting wet paws.
I just got the call from MaryAnn with the info on my meds (separate entry coming).
I have a squirrel guy coming to give us an estimate for our unwanted roomies. I think these guys (aka the F-ing Squirrels) are going to cost me a minimum of $500.00. Yikes!

I voted!

2008-02-05T16:51:00.001-05:00

My ironic BC pills

2008-02-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

So, I just filled my birth control prescription. I start taking the pills after I get my next period. How freaking ironic.

Or not

2008-02-04T18:08:00.000-05:00

OK- so I didn't get a call from my docs office today so I am still in the dark about what medications I will be taking. Not that it matters or anything. But it would give me something to blog about...

Today

2008-02-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

Today I find out what medicines and procedures they want to try. Wish me luck.

New Poll!

2008-02-03T14:20:00.000-05:00

I have added a new poll, so be sure to let me know how you really feel about controversial topics from pets to puddings.

Also, I have added a separate pudding poll as well. Inquiring minds need to know.

Bev's Protocol-O-Rama

2008-02-01T22:17:00.001-05:00

OK, so here's the plan.
Bearing in mind that all things are subject to change based my responses and my situation. Basically, a lot is done on the fly so as to react to the current situation.

The factors the doctors have to think about on Monday:

medicine
insemination
embryos

My plan:
I have 6 more days of Prometrium (which, by the way, I found out does affect your mood).
And then we wait for 5 or less days for my period (if I reach day 5 and no period, I was told to call in).
Next, the day my period starts, I start birth control pills (irony of ironies). I take the pill for 10-14 days, depending.
During this time, I have a hysteroscopy to make sure my uterus is up to snuff.
Anyway, then I wait 4 days, have a sonogram, and start my injections.
And then they monitor me. And adjust my medications as necessary. Here are some options:

I don't stimulate well and we skip the whole egg extraction thing and try IUI (aka The Turkey Baster)
I stimulate perfectly and they do an extraction with plenty of eggs for multiple rounds of implantation.
I hyperstimulate (OHSS) and they either cancel the whole deal, try their best to salvage the cycle by freezing the embryos and implanting next cycle, or, in rare cases but with a higher risk when you have PCOS, they cancel the cycle and I get hospitalized.

So, lets assume #2 is what we get, considering that is what we are going for. Here comes the tricky part. They fertilize the eggs. Depending on what the team of doctors decides on Monday (being pushed back to next Monday is a whole separate story) which method of insemination they want to go with. The options are:

Throw the egg and (medically washed) sperm in a petri dish and let nature take its course (sic).
ICSI.
A mix of both.

So then we wait. It's really involved, but basically they see which embryos are Chuck Norris and which ones are Bea Arthur. OK- that was a crappy metaphor, but what the hell. On day 3 if they look good, we will probably implant 3 (again, doctor's discretion). Or, if they decide, we wait until day 5 to check out my bad boys and, if they are good, we will probably implant 2.

And then I wait again, for the pregnancy test results. Also, in infertile-speak, my beta (sorry, couldn't find a good link).

And there you have it. Six grand later (out of pocket) and we will know what the deal is.

Have I mentioned that we allocated $2K in our FSA for this year and blew through $600 of it in January alone.

Sometimes you just gotta laugh.

Oh, I almost forgot. I think I really impressed my doc today by my esoteric oocyte knowledge. I think she was a little stunned that Infertility for Dummies even mentioned the cumulous around the immature egg. lol

I am sick,

2008-01-31T12:11:00.001-05:00

I have a head cold. The maid is coming soon.

My Rammstein cd's came.

2008-01-30T17:43:00.001-05:00

The liner notes are in Russian.

Mal Feet!

2008-01-30T17:38:00.001-05:00

I promised Mal feet a while back. Well, here you go!

Prometrium time

2008-01-30T17:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks goodness I get to take it orally this time.

Dr. Carpenter appointment moved up.

2008-01-30T15:50:00.000-05:00

So, MaryAnn called and she told me Dr Carpenter was able to move up my consult with her to this Friday, so I will have the full details of my protocol then. Yay!

Here's the Deal

2008-01-29T17:52:00.000-05:00

So, MaryAnn called me and we have set up a few things. I am on the Prometrium for the next 10 days. I call MaryAnn when I get my period after that. I also have an appointment with MaryAnn, Dr. Carpener, and the fertility psychologist. Basically, these appointments are the prerequisites for IVF. MaryAnn mentioned March or possibly April for my IVF. I told her that we are now full steam ahead and ready to get started immediately. I explained to her that that was why we took a little time. So, here we go. Wish us luck.

Picking up my Prometrium

2008-01-29T16:28:00.000-05:00

More Fertility Crap

2008-01-29T09:39:00.001-05:00

So, I called MarryAnn yesterday to let her know about our decision. She called me back to let me know a few things. First off, because of the delay in treatment time, I had to take a pregnancy test today. She let me know to call her with the results and that I would know my treatment protocols today. I told her I was pleasantly surprised that I would know so soon. She told me that the protocol committee meets on Monday afternoon and that she added my name to the list as soon as we got my message. I told her that she rocks!

So, I took the test and it was neg, of course. I left her a message. I am anxiously awaiting her call back. She should be calling in my prescription for prometrium today.

I'll update as soon as I know.

German Music Video Greatness

2008-01-27T20:09:00.000-05:00

OK So, I like Rammstein. And they have this really funny music video. It certainly brings Snow White into a new light.

We're home now

2008-01-27T19:07:00.001-05:00

Heading home

2008-01-27T17:51:00.001-05:00

Fertility Crap

2008-01-27T14:42:00.000-05:00

So, I think I might have decided what I want to do. I still have to talk to Mark about this, but in my own head at least I am finished.

So, yesterday, I was thinking about my situation. I was thinking, "Well, I guess we can try X." And then I realized: I don't have any other way of doing this. My body isn't miraculously going to start working correctly. If I want to have kids via my body, then I basically have not choice but to try the IVF. I can't explain it right here, but it was like before now I thought everything would be OK, the cavalry would come to the rescue, things would just "be different" than they really are. I am really glad I got out of town so I could think about all this.

Although, my doc told Marry Anne, my nurse, that I was upset at my consult. And now I think she thinks I'm emotionally unstable. Which surprises me really, when you consider what people who come to their office have to deal with every day. Maybe they are just more accustomed to the shocked/silent reaction.

I'm gonna give it a shot. I am going to take my lemons and make lemonade. How are my ovaries like lemons? Neither one of them ovulate. I just have to keep moving forward. I have no choice, really. No matter what route we eventually decide to take, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

2008-01-27T14:26:00.000-05:00

I finished the bankie at breakfast.

2008-01-27T14:24:00.000-05:00

Latest crochet project

2008-01-27T14:22:00.000-05:00

I told Anita a long time ago that I would make a birthday gift for her
sister. Its only 9 or so months late. Oh well...
It is two panels of fleece with a blanket stitch binding the edged
together. And then I added rows double cingle and another row of
double crochet as a trim. I finished the blanket stitch and added the
trim this weekend. So, she gets to go home with her finished bankie.
She keeps threatening to keep it for herself. Will post more photos
soon.

Breakfast with Anita and Tiffany et all

2008-01-27T13:56:00.000-05:00

Riesling Kraut!

2008-01-26T20:47:00.000-05:00

Pretzel

2008-01-26T20:29:00.001-05:00

Beer!

2008-01-26T20:04:00.000-05:00